I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
