First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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