you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
