she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My pussy is not your playground.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
