is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
