do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This baby is an asshole
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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