So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just had sex bonerless
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
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