just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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