I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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