thus making me awesome and them whores
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
