dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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