flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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