She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
