I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
