If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
