If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
