I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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