I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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