I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
