they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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