When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize