On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.