So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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