I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?