Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
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I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
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i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.