At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
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One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.