I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
