There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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