i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
