WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
