If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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