oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
