Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
