it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
