He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
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