don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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