I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.