It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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