i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
