I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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