Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
