i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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