Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
