Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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