Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
