U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
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He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
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I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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