i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
