I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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