My friends, they love my intelligence
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
