I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
