Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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