im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
