Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
