this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
