It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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