The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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