I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
