He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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