It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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