When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
