Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
