This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
