in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
