I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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