there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
