Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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