i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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