I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
