i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
