I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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