ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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