went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
