So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
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you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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