you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
