so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
