I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
