pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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