I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
