You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
These tits shall not be calmed
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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