It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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