Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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